It’s been awhile since my last post, which is really a good thing. The last week and a half have been busy and good for us, with a lot of time spent together. Last weekend, we all went out of town for our son’s sports tournament. I was so glad she came with us. Vacation is good for her. It was good for us. Though it was a short and busy vacation, we had a great time.
The weekdays leading into this past weekend were good. We like to spend time together. Sometimes we talk about the affair without much anger.
On Saturday, we had planned a date to a music event and a fundraising dinner, but she wasn’t able to go because of work, so I brought our son instead. I think she was happy that he could go with me. She’s not quite comfortable with me being by myself. I understand.
Sunday we wrapped up my son’s sports season. We sat together and watched him play with his team and cheered him on. Then she went to work, and I cooked dinner and tried to get back into my business duties. We texted a lot, and talked on the phone some. I made her a plate of dinner so she could eat when she got home. Then I cleaned the kitchen.
Things are good between us, but she still has some insecurities. It hurts me that I made her feel that way. She’s wonderful, and I want her to know it. She wants to know if she’s good enough. Of course, she’s too good for me.
She wants to know if I love her, and how can I be sure. More importantly, how can she be sure? I’m sure because my heart yearns for her when we’re apart, and I enjoy being around her when we’re together. When we have sex, she says she can feel how much I love her. But I love her when we aren’t having sex. Can’t she feel that?
How does she know I’m not still contacting the other woman? I guess she doesn’t, but I’m as open and honest as possible. I include her in all my plans when possible. I share my thoughts, even if they’re inconsequential and unimportant. I account for my time when at all possible, like keeping receipts from the grocery store or bank. She’s still able to check my Facebook and email accounts. She can check my phone any time. Most of all, I’m attentive to her, and always available.
It’s still there, this hideous monster I created. No matter what, it’s still gnawing at her, at us. We’ll be happily enjoying each other, when suddenly she feels the hurt. She says it’s getting better, but it’s still there. I ask her what I can do to help. She tells me to keep doing what I’m doing; the reassurance, the inclusion, the openness, the hugs and kisses, the sex.
Any advice or encouragement is welcome, as always!